The Aladdin Factor: Just Ask?

The Aladdin factor explains a very simple concept: we don’t fulfill many of our wishes because we don’t ask. We underestimate the possibility of receiving a “yes” when we ask for a favor. In other words, we doubt that others will give us what we want.

Research has shown that we don’t rely too much on others’ willingness to donate, answer our questions, or just listen to what we have to say.

Have you ever needed the help of a stranger? Have you ever had to borrow a cell phone, directions or a partnership to win a treasure hunt? In these moments we are not at all sure of being successful and often expect the worst. But are we really right?

A recent study showed that we underestimate ourselves and fear the worst when we have to ask for a favor. Vanessa Bohns, in a concluding essay of all her research on the subject, paints a more optimistic picture of our ability to influence others.

The Aladdin factor: can you lend me your cell phone?

Imagine you need to borrow a cell phone. You took a long bus ride listening to old episodes of your favorite youtuber. The phone’s battery is low, but you definitely need to call your friend. Will you have the Aladdin factor on your side? According to the theory, yes, just ask.

In a social study a similar question was asked to a group of volunteers. In reality, the participants had to estimate how many people they would have to contact before 3 agreed to lend the phone. On average, the estimate was 10 people.

When participants were asked to go out and borrow their cell phones three times, it was possible to check whether their guesswork had been realistic.

They had to stop, on average, 6 people before 3 agreed to lend their cell phones. In other words, the participants underestimated the good willingness of others to help.

What if the favor to ask is embarrassing?

All right, people are willing to lend their cell phones more than we expect. But how far does the availability of a stranger go? What happens if we ask for a favor with dubious morals?

This question is answered by a study by Bohns and others. The request, in this case, led to a gesture considered very serious in US society: scribbling a library book.

The volunteers’ task was to get three people to write the word “pickle” in a library book. How to convince passers-by to make a gesture as deplorable as it is unjustified? The participant could tell that it was a joke on a friend and that the word “pickle” must have a different spelling than his own.

As with the cell phone experiment, the researchers asked the participants to make an estimate. How many people would it take to stop before three were found willing to ruin the library book ? The average response was 11 people.

Once on the pitch, they encountered some resistance: “Do I really have to ruin this book? It’s safe? It’s a good book! “

Contrary to their expectations, the number of people they had to apply to to reach the goal was 5. Again, pessimistic estimates.

The Aladdin factor: why do we so underestimate the power of our demands?

We therefore found that we underestimate the possibility of receiving help from others. Why are our predictions so out of alignment with reality? Part of the problem is that we forget how embarrassing it is to say no.

If they stop us on the street and ask us to sign an ecological petition, we feel unpleasant to say no. We are afraid of offending the other if we implicitly make it clear that we disagree with his values.

As Bohns puts it, “many people even agree to things they would rather not do, simply to avoid the embarrassment of having to say no. “

It is a reality that we tend to forget. The less embarrassing we find saying “no” to someone, the more wrong we are in our estimates.

Don’t let them guess your desires, better ask

If you want help making a wish come true, go for it. This is certainly a simple anecdotal, in real life we ​​must take into account that on the way to our goals we will also stumble on negative answers. It is part of life. Merchants, in their sales estimates, must also consider “no”.

Beyond the negative result, however, there will always be people who find it difficult to deny a favor, without at least letting you speak first.

This communicative ability allows us not only to explore our spheres of interest, but also to put assertiveness into practice. So, let’s not wait for the genie of the lamp to guess, let’s be explicit!