Small Digs Can Hurt

The ingenious and talented actor and comedian Groucho Marx once said “These are my principles, and if you don’t like them … well, I have others.” He is a great comedian who, through the use of witty digs, said whatever he wanted, regardless of whether the others disagreed. Well, using digs to make people laugh can be fun and it generally is.

However, they can become a problem when they are out of place and you want to convey an important message. In fact, in contexts where the content of the communication is particularly relevant,  people use digs because they don’t feel safe enough  to convey the same message directly.

Remember that if the digs are not used correctly and in an appropriate context, they can hurt the recipient. By using language in a biased and manipulative way, we could cause the end of a romantic relationship or any other relationship that is important to us.

What is a dig and why can it hurt?

The meaning of the word arrow is the following: an expression that is used to make people understand something that is not expressed in a precise and clear way. 

Which means that digs can be fun… or not. If we go back to the study undertaken by Professor James K. McNulty, he says that high expectations deprive of happiness a good number of couples who have not established solid and free bonds.

What is the relationship between the use of digs and McNulty’s study? According to the researcher, the high expectations of a married couple or an engaged couple lead to dissatisfaction. All of this triggers a series of highly negative attitudes regarding communication.

Conclusions about the digs

The dissatisfaction of a married couple extrapolated from this study leads us to the conclusions proposed by Dr. McNulty. For example, the need to be direct when we want our partner to change. We must be clear if we want to stimulate the motivation in the other. 

In the case of the use of digs, according to McNulty,  the ground is tested because indirect hostility and sarcasm take possession of the relationship.  This creates an environment in which reproach is the order of the day, removing the possibility of resolving conflicts. It becomes destructive.

In reality,  the digs are a form of miscommunication for the couple. They are the ideal ground for silences, contempt, aggression and a lack of verbal and non-verbal language to arise. A disease that, according to the study, affects a large number of married couples.

Other interesting facts about the digs

Other scholars have devoted themselves to the study of the use of digs.  The anthropologist Gregory Bateso, in 1956, said that the digs and sarcasm, repeated over time, can cause anxiety disorders, as well as schizophrenia.

This does not mean that, in everyday language, we cannot use it. In fact, they don’t necessarily have to be pathological. We can use them sporadically, taking into account, however, to spread a veil on communication, which makes it difficult to transmit the message.

How to use the digs properly

There are several ways to use the digs correctly.  Let’s see some ideas extrapolated from the studies of Dr. McNulty, Bateson or Víctor Pacheco, also a scholar of the subject:

• In a relationship where at least two people are involved, it  is totally necessary to create the basis for communication to be healthy and respectful. You have to think before you speak and not continually try to hurt to defend yourself.

• Be honest and direct in all relationships.  If we use digs to avoid hurting or, worse still, to do so, we will make communication difficult by avoiding the problem or breaking the tune. We can resort to digs, but taking into account that they are just such, digs, and not a clear and indirect message. In this way, the responsibility for not understanding us falls on us.

• Thinking before speaking is essential.  That way, we’ll know what to say, learn to respect others’ point of view, and have more enriching conversations and more important conclusions.    

Remember to use the digs moderately, discovering the terrain in which you are moving and after establishing some common ground  with the other person. Otherwise, you will create an abyss that will lead you, within a few months, to end the relationship. Do you want this?