Keep Postponing, Why Do We Do It?

“I should start that long pending job. Tomorrow I have to deliver the report and I still haven’t turned on the computer ”. “I only have two days left to solve a problem that I’ve been dragging along for weeks, but I never find the time.” Keep postponing, why do we do it? Is it laziness that holds us hostage? Why does our mind sometimes fail to focus on true priorities?

If you’ve ever ended up in this cycle of procrastination – guilt, you know it’s common to feel irresponsible and lazy. Accusing us of this, however, only deprives us of willpower. Few things worsen the tendency to postpone as much as negative and devaluing internal dialogue.

Ultimately, people who can be described as truly lazy, idle or irresponsible have only excuses to justify their inaction. Conversely, when we postpone something, we mostly feel suffering.

It is therefore interesting to understand what lies behind this behavior, this physical, mental and emotional state that can affect our life.

What does it mean to keep postponing?

There is a tendency to associate the habit of postponing to the age of study. However, we can experience the pain that accompanies procrastination at any age or in any situation. It makes itself felt, for example, when we don’t decide to start that tidying up job in the kitchen or garage. We live it when the projects we have in mind or the promises to keep become a mental post it.

When we realize that we are postponing indefinitely, we feel immobility, the absence of progress. This feeling generates anxiety. Those who experience it on their own skin know that two situations generally occur:

• The eternal postponement has consequences : we may lose our job, not pass an exam or miss an opportunity.

• To damage the idea we have of our effectiveness. We do not feel in harmony with ourselves and, what is worse, we have the feeling that something is out of our control.

Even if we have decided to get down to business, something always happens that distracts us from the task. What is the cause of this behavior?

Quitting on is obviously a time management problem

The culprits are our emotions. When we ask ourselves “why do I keep postponing?”, It is normal to think that the problem lies in bad time management. It is of little use to read a book on how to become perfect planners of our days, we will continue to postpone.

Telling a person who has been putting off an issue for months that he has to learn to organize himself is like telling a depressed person to cheer up: it makes no sense and is inappropriate. Because the underlying problem remains emotions: repressed anxiety, worry, the need to do well, the fear of making mistakes or failing ..

The emotions that mix, tangle and increase discomfort in these situations are complex and exhausting. The worst part is that they drag on for months and eventually we may find ourselves dealing with depression or an anxiety disorder.

Can’t stop postponing? Sometimes it’s fear

Continuing to postpone and fear, two dimensions that seem to contradict. Fear of what? A study conducted in Germany at the University of Leuphana showed that postponement is fundamentally a dysfunctional response to unpleasant affective states.

In other words, certain obligations create fear and discomfort in us. Not knowing how to manage or dodge these emotional states, we decide to postpone the time when we will perform that task.

• Fear of making mistakes, of not doing things as we expect or as others expect of us.

• Anxiety at the idea of ​​having to face certain situations that leave us exposed and over which we do not have full control.
• Often simply, resistance to doing something we don’t want or like to do.

Do you have a goal? The secret is to focus on the emotions

When we set a goal, we have to get a job done or we have a deadline to meet, we usually make a small mistake: we focus on the date and, based on this, we organize ourselves. This is not wrong in itself, quite the opposite. Planning, however, is secondary. The secret is to aim for emotions.

If a certain task makes me anxious, I will not make progress. First of all, I have to work on the emotional state that produces the set goal. If I’m not thrilled or interested, he won’t have enough strength or motivation to invest the time. What needs to be done, therefore, is to manage emotions, reformulate thoughts, reduce fear and try to maintain a relaxed and concentrated state of mind, ideal for getting to work.

A study carried out at the University of Leeds, conducted by Sirois and Pychyl (2013) offers us some advice. Before fixing our gaze on the long-term goal, we need to think about a first step  at a short distance: taking care of and taking care of our state of mind. This is the secret.

If we feel good, everything will be fine. Managing emotions is the best strategy for wellbeing. Let’s never forget it.