Generosity And Wanting To Control Others, The Step Is Short

Any behavior, if taken to excess, hides basic difficulties. One of the resources that people use to hide a latent problem is precisely to exaggerate a certain attitude. For this, while generosity may undoubtedly be seen as a virtue, sometimes it is not.

A person who acts with great generosity often expects some sort of reward, although he will rarely admit it. On the other hand, this excess of goodness can hide a mechanism of manipulation and control towards others.

A sign of this may come from the fact that a person, behaving extremely generously, complains about it. This attitude indicates a person who is deeply disillusioned with the fact that others do not behave in the same way or that they do not recognize their merits. In this case, disproportionate generosity can prove to be a form of manipulation.

Excess of generosity

There are those who behave too generously because they are able to go beyond their own needs and desires, sacrificing themselves to please others. Or because he lives helping others, without recognizing that he needs to be helped or pleased. A danger that also runs those who are not willing to give up their role as “savior”.

Experts report that the compulsive desire to help or save others may actually hide a strong need for affection. A very common behavior in those who received little attention when they were little or in those who developed an addiction to someone else.

In one way or another, being too generous is in many cases a strategy to “buy” the affection and approval of others. Not receiving the same treatment, these people feel cheated and complaining about themselves.

From empathy to control

Those who show too much generosity are rarely aware of the real reasons that lead them to want to help others. In his heart he is truly convinced that he cares about the interest of others.

This person can understand the pain of others and suffers from seeing others suffer. The basic problem in this case is twofold: first because all the generosity and interest that this person professes for others is rarely applied to himself. In fact, it takes a back seat.

Secondly, because he actually wants to control the behavior of others. He wants to receive attention, appreciation and social recognition for what he gives to others. Similarly, those who are too generous often feel entitled to control the lives of the people they help.

True generosity

Before we can be generous with others, we must learn to be generous with ourselves. This is key to achieving a balance between taking other people’s interests at heart and taking care of your own. The sacrifices we make for others must be sensitive to our personal needs.

Another good practice to adopt is to understand the reasons that drive us to be generous. As we have said, this analysis can help us understand our personal needs and the shortcomings we need to meet in a healthier and less manipulative way.

Finally, the need to be needed by others generally creates bonds of mutual dependence that are not at all healthy for those involved. The best way to help others is to create the conditions for those people to find themselves in a situation of independence; help others to make them stronger and not dependent on our help.