Psychological Space: The Heart Of Resilience

The psychological space is a waiting room; it is a mental palace in which to take refuge to reflect, heal and adopt new points of view. It is a small turning point that we all face after a disappointment, a failure, a mistake. Allowing ourselves a period of healthy introspection is the right move to lay the foundations of resilience and be able to proceed with greater confidence.

Carl Jung said that whoever learns nothing from the unpleasant events of life forces the cosmic consciousness to reproduce them as many times as necessary to learn. Although it is not currently possible to prove the existence of this “cosmic force”, we know instead that we belong to a curious animal species that continually stumbles upon the same stone. 

If we do this it is precisely because we do not allow ourselves a psychological space . We don’t know or don’t want to spend time elaborating or integrating some personal experiences. Life fragments from time to time and instead of repairing these cracks or reattaching the lost pieces, we leave them where they fell. We gradually disconnect from our inner needs, until we are overwhelmed by frustration and unhappiness.

Abraham Maslow, one of the foremost psychologists in the field of personal growth, said we are faced with two choices. The first is to live under the shelter of fear and defense mechanisms. The second is to decide to grow. Choosing one or the other path takes place within our psychological space.

What is psychological space and what it contains

Psychological space is not a physical place, but a corner of the mind. It is the time we take to process failures, mistakes or disappointments, to understand what we can learn from these experiences. It means being able to shape a series of dimensions that populate our healing room for it to be truly effective.

The inhabitants who populate a healthy psychological space are:

Self-compassion

Self-compassion is the ability to welcome and accept ourselves as we are, without punishing or despising ourselves for our failures. Studies such as the one conducted by the University of Tennessee indicate that developing this ability is the key to our emotional well-being.

Unfortunately, when we are very stressed, we end up forgetting to address that attitude.

All psychological spaces need this special element to embrace us without judgments or sanctions.

Prohibition of negative dialogue

In all growth-oriented psychological spaces there is an element that must not be accepted: negative dialogue.

It is that voice that swings our thoughts between reproach, fatalism, impediment, deficiency and fear. It has the strength of a tornado: it sweeps everything away.

If we really want to get valuable teaching from a disappointment, negative dialogue is not helpful. Rather, we need to apply an objective and future-oriented approach. Here are some questions that may help: “What conclusions can I draw from what happened to me?”, “What can I do to tackle a similar problem in the future with better and successful resources?”.

Aim for the present

The laws of physics tell us (at the moment) that we cannot be in two places at the same time. It is useless to focus on the past or on a future we still know nothing about. If we really want to get through a critical moment, the best approach is to focus on the present.

Reflect, analyze, accept, decide, plan, come up with an answer… All these reactions are more useful than continuing to look in the rearview mirror.

Resilient attitude

In our psychological space there must be a base material, a special alloy with which to cover every fragment, every corner or detail. Let’s talk about resilience.

The ability to learn from experience to face tomorrow with more integrity, wisdom and strength is a fundamental aspect in any inner healing process.

It is the element that guides personal growth and that regulates our glasses, allowing us to see more clearly the best path to take.

Stephen Sideroff, a writer, researcher and professor of psychiatry at the University of Los Angeles, says in one of his articles that  we are experiencing what many refer to as a biological imbalance, something we should learn to work on.

This term refers to a precise fact, that is,  when we feel stress, sadness, fear or worry, our body is programmed to generate two types of response: fight or escape from danger. 

As we all know, these two behaviors do not always find their place in today’s society. We are therefore forced to generate more appropriate and even more creative responses. There is no need to run away, turn your back on the problem or fight against enemies that in many cases are not physical. Most of our threats are mental.

We must give shape to more valid strategies, which all pass through a specific place: our psychological space, a corner with free access that we often forget.

This is where we can take refuge when we need to understand, heal, repair and make bold decisions.