Quarrels Between Parents: How Children Live Them

Children are the most vulnerable members of the family unit, which is why any quarrel or parental conflict can be a great stressor for them. Exposure to such clashes can affect their brain and cognitive development, recent studies have shown.

Arguments are customary in a couple, it is normal for disagreements and differences of opinion to arise disputes. The problem is how such clashes are dealt with, whether they are treated with respect or violent, turning an argument into a real war.

The most conflicting discussions, especially if frequent, leave a negative mark on the children who attend them. However, if the discussion is conducted with respect, it can be teaching for the little ones, who can learn a positive way of handling a disagreement.

The danger of arguments in front of children

Parents with unresolved problems should understand that their children feel the tension between them. Disagreements must be resolved in the appropriate place and time, possibly never in front of the children, as they will generate in them a sense of guilt and frustration because they are unable to help.

To prevent the conversation from turning on under the eyes of the children, it is essential to calm down and not act “hot” in the face of the offense of the other. The best thing is to postpone the most tense debates until the children are not at home, especially in cases where the confrontation is predictable.

Several studies have been carried out at the University of Cambridge to try to calculate the influence that family conflicts have on children; the aim of the research is to clarify how they affect their brain development, especially in the most sensitive development periods, and to define how stress can cause them to have a negative behavior pattern.

The stress that is unleashed in quarrels between parents

The stress surrounding a parental conflict can put children’s health at risk.  Several scientific researches have launched the warning about the damage that involves a child being a witness to recurring quarrels in the family environment.

Being continuously exposed to sources of stress can trigger problems in a child’s development and cognitive performance. All of this can lead to decreased attention span, concentration and conflict resolution. Growing up in conflicting environments, children are at greater risk of presenting problems of this type.

As a parent, it is good to keep all of this in mind. Our arguments can seriously harm our children, affecting their future physical and mental health to some extent. It is an even more “stupid” risk if you think that the measures to be taken to protect them are simple, and are based on your own self-control.

Protect children from adult conflicts

Although arguments are an inevitable element in a couple relationship, it is still possible to act so that they do not become violent. When conflict turns into struggle, aggression also affects those present. Avoiding such discussions is not only advisable, but totally necessary: ​​for the good of the couple and that of the children.

In these cases, it can be good and healthy to use the differences and conflicts in the relationship to set an example for your children. Children can learn a lot from a parenting model that is able to resolve a conflict adequately. In every discussion there is the possibility of bringing out values ​​such as respect, understanding, listening and assertiveness.

Conflicts and arguments, inevitable in any relationship, can set  an example for their children, providing them with a tool with which to solve problems and reach a solution through commitment and respect. For this reason, when the quarrel becomes heated, it is good to apologize to the children and undertake not to let it happen again. As mentioned before, an aggression between parents is also an aggression for the observer.