Too Demanding Parents: What Consequences?

Overly demanding parents just want their children to always give their best. The problem is that they don’t always use appropriate methods, because they often forget that children perceive and live out their requests. Sometimes, therefore, they get the opposite effect. It is clear, however, that this does not justify their behavior.

Many fussy parents have also had parents who have behaved in the same way. It seemed that nothing was enough for them. A dissatisfaction that was not limited only to pointing out to the children that they were doing something wrong. For example, if the children played a sport, they did not try hard enough in their eyes. There was always a “but” or a “you can improve”.

Following the education received, as adults they will feel they have to resort to the same method with their children. But this decision can have serious consequences.

In search of a perfection that does not exist

Children who have overly demanding parents try to fulfill all their expectations. Unfortunately, however, everything they do is never enough. This leads them to feel a sense of disappointment which turns into a real sense of guilt. Furthermore, children may begin to demand too much of themselves by going beyond their means. This can cause them stress and anxiety.

These behaviors need to be taken seriously. According to the Spanish ANAR foundation, which deals with assistance to children and adolescents at risk, “[…] a certain personality profile (self-need, need for control, search for perfectionism, etc.) can determine the appearance of certain eating disorders , such as anorexia and bulimia ”.

If parents say to their child, “It would be nice if you got a seven in math,” and when they do, they say “You see, you did it! Now you have to take a nine! ”, It will be difficult for the child to be proud of the result achieved. And this could be just the beginning. When he gets a nine, he will be asked for a ten and then honors and then top marks in all subjects. The child at some point will not take it anymore.

This way of thinking and acting can become perversion when parents convey to the child the idea that they will love him more if he always gets the best grades. This will create a demanding family environment that can become fertile ground for the aforementioned eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia. However, these disorders may not be the only way children react to overly demanding parents.

Overly demanding parents don’t always get results

Children may not be able to respond to the pressure exerted on them by overly demanding parents. In an article in the Spanish newspaper La Vanguardia a sentence by Isabel Menéndez (psychologist specializing in children and adolescents) is reported which explains very well what happens when for a long period of time children are subjected to extremely demanding requests from their parents. :

“When more and more is demanded, it causes stress to children and, when they reach adolescence, in the most challenging moments of middle school and high school, many of them have a crisis […] because they are tired, fed up and, of consequently, they rebel ”.

Since nothing they do is enough, children can begin to show a change in their behavior. Since each individual’s personality is different, not everyone reacts in the same way. In addition to the ailments mentioned, however, there are some warning signs that warn us that something is not going well:

• Passive attitude. Children don’t care about anything. They feel sad, discouraged and keep their heads down most of the time. Inside they feel they have failed. This can lead to depression.

• Acts of rebellion against parents (jokes, teasing, vandalism, etc.). The goal of children is to draw attention to a situation they cannot control by trying to thwart parental authority.

There are many behaviors in response to excessive demands on the part of adults. However, children are not always aware of their behavior and seek parental recognition by trying to meet their expectations.

Sooner or later, they end up feeling deep sadness and automatically go against their parents’ expectations because they associate it with their frustration. The problem is that both reactions have consequences.

It may happen that children do not continue their studies or abandon the sport they liked so much. They throw in the towel because they can’t take it anymore and can’t handle the pressure. Therefore, although demanding parents act with the idea of ​​motivating and encouraging their children to give their best, in the vast majority of cases, they only get the opposite effect.