Self-control Strategies In Emotional Addiction

Emotional dependence is one of the most common reasons people go to therapy in search of self-control strategies, although patients are initially unaware of them. This disorder mainly affects women, but we don’t know to what extent this data is real.

Usually the psychologist immediately understands if the patient suffers from emotional dependence because he does nothing but say that “he loves his partner too much”, that “it will change with time and when he realizes it” or acts by putting aside everything he is doing in his life to dedicate himself completely to the person next to him.

Those suffering from emotional dependence will tend to abandon important projects, neglect other loved ones, spend excessive sums on gifts or even not limit the disrespect or humiliation on the part of the partner.

We can imagine that the self-esteem of people who put their partner above everything, even if it makes them feel bad, is really low. In reality what happens is that there is an emotional emptiness at the base that they try to fill with the fleeting affection of another person.

This is why they are terribly afraid of being abandoned, for them it would mean losing the love or affection they desire.

How far can emotional addiction go?

When we talk about emotional dependence, we can imagine the drawing of a “puppet” running after a heart with a hole in the center of its body, as if a piece is missing. The hole, which also has the shape of a heart, can only be filled with one’s self-esteem, that is, with one’s heart.

The puppet does not know this and thinks that chasing another person’s heart is the solution to his problem. And it runs, runs and doesn’t stop doing it, for days, months, even decades. What is the result of this strenuous race? The exhaustion.

The only heart that can serve us, as we have already said, is the one we give to ourselves. And in this sense, power is not outside, but within us.

But if we don’t know, the result is that we can go a long way without ever reaching the goal. The risk is to lose our friendships by leaving them aside to avoid the rejection of our partner, we can sabotage our own values, tastes, hobbies to satisfy each other.

Abandoning jobs, travels, interesting projects because we don’t want to distance ourselves from our partner and this means losing him. We can even become jealous and try to control the partner, resulting in pain. How can you avoid falling into this trap?

Self-control strategies for emotional dependence

Psychologically, the techniques we can use to gain self-control in emotional addiction must be aimed at managing our most emotional and ingrained impulses.

Emotionally dependent people, as with other addictions, know that their way of acting harms them, but they cannot stop doing it because their “emotional gps” is stronger and guides their actions.

It’s hard to break the addictive habit, but in the end it is just that: a learned habit or pattern and can be unlearned with a little determination.

Self-control strategies to combat emotional addiction

Some ways to unlearn emotional addiction are:

• When you are about to text your partner or ex-partner to check them out, out of jealousy, or to know what they think or what they are doing, you should first write the same message on a piece of paper.

This saves time: the emotion is impulsive and diminishes in intensity in a few minutes, just before rewriting the message on the mobile phone. This very simple exercise can create “reactivity” and this is an advantage as it can prevent us from carrying ourselves in a certain way.

• Try practicing zero contact. If the relationship is over and you are still involved, try zeroing the contact. Eliminate your ex from social networks, avoid meeting friends in common and avoiding places where you might meet him / her.

• If you feel the urge to go to your ex’s house to talk, you will have to make an effort to do the opposite. To get home, take a longer alternate route. It will allow you to buy time and think more rationally.

• Think about what you will achieve by following your impulses. Will he come back to you? Will you be able to get someone to explain why he is no longer by your side? Will he bring it back to you? Do you really want to get back with him or her?

If all of these questions create tiredness or irritation that you could have easily avoided, ask yourself if you still want to follow your instincts.

• Create a reminder. When you are emotionally calm, write a memo to always carry with you. You will have to write sentences that will help you not to fall into the abyss when you are too emotional. They must be phrases that reach you and serve you.

An example would be: “I already know how it ends. I know that by doing this I will only end up hurting myself. Isn’t that a good reason to try to control my impulses?

Conclusions

Self-control strategies in emotional addiction require constant work. No one is totally immune to this trap and relapses are part of the process of gaining awareness.

Gradually, with practice, we will gain self-esteem and stop getting involved in addictive relationships, to start generating and maintaining healthy, easy and fluid relationships.