Maturity Means Seeking Solutions And Not Guilty
Do you remember when you were children? Childhood is a wonderful time, which is why we always want to go back and always feel nostalgic for this stage. It is the moment when we discover the world and, at the same time, we feel protected by adults.
In childhood and adolescence, it is our parents or guardians who have a duty to protect us, to meet our needs and, not least, to make decisions for us. This is why growing up is a bittersweet experience; we lose comfort and security, but we gain something extremely important: freedom.
Over the years, we gradually take over the reins of our life. The first thing we do is work, to take care of our basic needs; but there are other aspects of which we must take responsibility: our emotional bonds, for example, or our mental health.
It is the way we handle this responsibility that marks the difference between growing and maturing. Time passes inexorably and we all grow, but the way we take responsibility for our emotions will allow us to affirm that, in addition to growing, we have matured.
To mature is to learn to find the solution and not the culprit
Making decisions involves experiencing emotions related to the fear of making mistakes and uncertainty. So much so that sometimes we get stuck and it is very difficult for us to choose one path rather than another.
What is certain is that we all make mistakes, part of the learning process. Remember when you were learning to count in school? Initially it was complicated and you made a lot of mistakes, but with practice, counting becomes a basic skill.
Taking responsibility for being wrong involves a complex process of reflection and analysis of the facts, and for this reason it is sometimes easier to look for external reasons that justify our mistakes. This is where guilt comes in. When we have a problem, our minds wallow in the search for a culprit.
Sometimes, for example, when we bump into any object, we blame it for being in the middle of our feet. Has this ever happened to you? You walk distractedly down the hall and suddenly bump into an object that wasn’t supposed to be there, hurting your foot. Without thinking about it you will say “Damn object”, it shouldn’t have been there.
However, what happens with the obstacles we encounter in our way, when they are something much more important than an object accidentally forgotten in the hallway? It could be an exam that you keep failing and that you have prepared several times or that you have not renewed your employment contract, that you have trouble communicating with your partner, or that your father is angry with you when you express your opinion.
If we don’t reflect, if we let ourselves be carried away by emotions, the guilt is a kind of neon, which suddenly lights up in our mind. Pause for a moment to think about what helps guilt?
When we blame someone or ourselves for what is happening, we are focusing on our negative emotions and attitudes: we are filled with anger and frustration, we feel sadness or resentment, and we do not move forward. In short, we are unhappy.
However, if we move beyond these negative emotions and move on, we will realize that instead of looking for a culprit, there is something far more useful: taking action that helps us change the situation. If we look for solutions, we will send ourselves a message, which is that if something has gone wrong, we can try to fix it and we will work to resolve the situation.
Surely you will remember a situation similar to this: you are victims of an injustice, for example, you have failed an exam that you thought would have been fine. You feel bad thinking about the situation in your head and you blame the teacher or yourself. Look for a culprit.
You are tired of rethinking what just happened, it is something that belongs to the past and cannot be changed. Guilt stops us.
However, if you change your attitude and decide to better study the parts you probably weren’t prepared for, your emotions will change.
The next time something goes wrong and you’re looking for the culprits, think the best thing you can do is move on. Negative emotions are inevitable, but if we look for solutions instead of guilty ones, we will realize that they are things in the past and that we must continue to move forward to achieve our goals.
