When They Tell You “you Can’t Do This “, Answer “look How I Do It “
Each of us is a unique and precious being for the mere fact of being in the world, even if we sometimes forget it. We like everyone else.
Sometimes we fossilize on the idea that the opinions, judgments or forecasts of others are the only possible reality, and we end up accepting it and making it our own. This happens because we are convinced that others are worth more than us and that, therefore, everything they say is necessarily true and must be accepted without discussion.
When seeking the approval of those around us becomes a habit, we do nothing but weaken our already low self-esteem. This happens because we are unable to give due weight to our values and desires.
We feel the need for others to give the green light to any of our intentions, dreams or desires. If, then, such approval does not occur, we block ourselves and give up the life we really want to live. Self-esteem, lower and lower, remains in a stalemate as long as someone outside applauds or recognizes us. If this does not happen, we tend to believe that it is better to abandon our desires because they are just nonsense . It is at this point that our life takes on gray tones.
You can not
What is the exact meaning of this sentence? When someone tells us “you can’t”, they are trying to tell us that our abilities are not capable of doing what we set out to do, that we are not up to par or that we have too many limits to do it. The real question should be, how can we know if we haven’t tried?
Some believe that past experiences determine everything that will happen in the present if you find yourself in such a situation. Part of our intuition works just like that, and sometimes it’s not entirely wrong, yet it’s not always true. Sometimes this presentiment arises from an unrealistic thought: the person of yesterday is not the same as today or tomorrow.
Playing fortune tellers is not a good strategy if you want to live in freedom, much less believe other people’s guesswork. If the infamous “you can’t” turns into an excuse not to carry on what we believe in, we will only agree with all those who have a negative opinion about us. By not trying, we will confirm to them that we are unable to do so.
Within you, however, you know that you have the necessary qualities, the will and the skills. The only problem lies in the fact that seeking the approval of others acts as a brake, making you believe that without a push from the outside, you cannot do it alone. It is at this point that you have to change gears and open both ears: let the opinions of others in on one side, let them out on the other.
As of now, you can. You will stop paying attention to external opinions while still respecting them. Sometimes without them you will feel lost, but keep in mind that the direction of the great way that is your life can be decided only by you: you are the only ones who live it.
See how I do it
Being sure of one’s abilities is part of what is called self-efficacy: a variable that influences all our actions and that is strongly conditioned by what we think of ourselves. Thoughts that in turn incorporate an infinity of other more concrete thoughts linked to the power to act that we exercise in the various areas of our life.
Thinking realistically about yourself fosters feelings of security and self-confidence. In turn, our actions have the ability to reinforce those thoughts.
If you start moving a gear, the rest of the system will automatically start moving. An excellent method to obtain the confidence necessary to live, to act and to ignore external opinions, therefore, is to put assertiveness into practice : it is the ability to reaffirm oneself outside the surrounding environment, always respecting it.
The feeling left in your body by assertiveness is so gratifying that depriving yourself of it seems devoid of any logic, whether you act aggressively towards everyone or say “yes” to everything, paying too much attention to what is said without questioning it. In both cases, in fact, you will lose both self-esteem and self-efficacy.
For these reasons, if a person next to you – including the most important people such as parents, partners, siblings … – tells you that you are unable to do something, that you will never make it or that it is appropriate to lower the crest and put your feet on the ground, do yourself the favor of not getting angry and not accepting their way of thinking.
Rather answer: “ See how I do it. I will try with all my strength. It could be good or bad, I can’t know yet, and neither can you. It does not matter if it works or not, if I succeed or not, the important thing is that I will not regret not having tried, and moreover I will enjoy every moment of the journey I will take. If defeat comes, I will accept it; if success appears in my way, I will savor it. One thing is certain: I will not stop trying to make my dreams come true ”.
